Newlyweds Dish
The key to being content in a marriage is to connect. I’m not talking about connecting via facebook, I’m talking about a connection that is at the core of your life: the one with your partner. As a newlywed couple it’s common to experience emotions that you haven’t dealt with before and many times couples say that their partner has “changed” after marriage, when in fact all they need is to make time to reconnect.
Connecting isn’t just about date night. It’s about clearly understanding what your expectations are for your marriage: household duties, how you define roles in your marriage, and asking your partner what they’re willing to take responsibility for and how much time you expect to give to other family members. Openly discuss financial expectations; who is seen as the main breadwinner? How will you spend and save your money? It is really important that you stay on the same page so you develop greater understanding of one another rather than feeling victimized or neglected and pushing blame around.
In all relationships it’s vital to agree on the amount of time you spend with one another and how. It is so easy to get caught up in all the things you have to do once the honeymoon is over, which can often lead to couples drifting apart. You may have different work schedules and a number of different responsibilities, which is all the more reason to make ‘alone time’ a priority. This time is for the two of you to actively connect and communicate with one another. Do the things you enjoy or think outside of the box. You can sign up for a hot air balloon ride, or send a romantic love letter, which is a personal favorite!
Now that you’ve accepted each other as life partners with all the perfect imperfections each person brings to the marriage, when you do want to voice a concern, do it by spending time alone together. Neither of you are psychic and each of you is going through your own experiences so it is a lot better to communicate effectively rather than keeping things bottled up, under the rug or whatever you tend to do with them. You can always raise issues with humor, but make sure to place emphasis on the respect and gratitude you have for the other person before proceeding to the issue.
Moderation in all aspects of life is essential. Marriage is no different so you shouldn’t be so overly connected to your partner that you get tangled into each other’s wires causing sparks of conflict at every interaction! Give each other time to be their own person as well as part of the marriage. This way you will always maintain breathing space and a clear perspective on your life and your lives together. Like all good things worth having a marriage requires time, effort and patience. And you will get out what you put in.
Nadia Rehman is a Masters candidate in counseling at Keele University. She holds a B.A. in psychology from Cardiff University.
When the big day ends, real life begins. And you realize fast that you’re not just married to the love of your life, but also to his mother and family. Marriage is a time when both families let go of their most prized possessions: their children. And even at a joyous time like this, it’s common for emotions to run high.
One of the most common dilemmas between couples is the delicate relationship between wife and mother-in-law. For some families, things go sour very quickly and it can be hard to recover from this stage. But I’ve learned a few lessons as a newlywed that can help diffuse that horrible term society coined: Monster-In-Law.
First, it’s important to know that your mother-in-law isn’t out to get you. Even though sometimes it may seem that way. Know that it’s difficult for her to adjust to the shift in power and transferring her title as “leading lady” in her son’s life. Don’t take personal offense, but your wedding has brought on a sense of insecurity for his mom. Simply put, it’s natural so it’s best to try to understand her better. A lot of times, you will have to downplay your role in the presence of your mother-in-law to make her realize she is still just as important. She needs reassurance that you haven’t replaced her.
Second, understand that a lot of things that upset you about your mother-in-law may very well be the same things that your own mother has said to you, but because it’s your mom you take it in stride. For example, I usually try on several dresses before attending an event, which has to go through my mom’s stamp of approval. My mom will be straightforward and tell me what she thinks even if I don’t like what she’s saying in the moment. However, if my mother-in-law tries to suggest something similar I’ve found that I immediately turn it into a personal issue and make it more serious than it is. I think when I initially married, I was very immature when handed any kind of criticism or suggestions from my mother-in-law. But the bottom line is, if your mother-in-law says something to you and you feel that you are being wronged or cornered, then just ask yourself how you would’ve reacted if it was your own mom in her place.
Next, in order to avoid some disagreements, show your husband that you’re making the effort to be close with his mom even if it’s challenging. Make it a point to spend quality time with your mother-in-law and encourage your husband to spend time with her as well. It’s important that she feel welcome in your relationship especially in the initial stages of marriage when her insecurities are heightened.
Finally, try your best to create a bond with your mother-in-law which goes beyond social formalities. Be positive and you should be able to enjoy a healthy relationship with your husband’s mom that’s made up of trust, compassion and kindness. Mother-in-laws are not the most essential part of your marriage, but they do play an important role in your husband’s and your newlywed life. Viewing your husband’s mom as an ally rather than an enemy can prove to be beneficial and less stressful for you in the long run.
When you get married, you marry your spouse’s family along with their tastes for certain foods. I’ve even heard that the longer you’re married, the more you begin to look like each other. I kind of hope it’s true because I could really use some of my hubby’s 6’4 action so I can buy “tall” pants that don’t need to be hemmed and dust that spot on the stairway that I can’t reach; it’s what I call my “spider colony”.
Having a waterman/farmer for a father, my tastes are more of a vegetarian. One of my favorite meals growing up was oysters and broccoli. To which my meat and potatoes man’s response is, “I would have starved living in your house.” On the flip side, my husband’s favorite meal growing up was meaty Mexican food, hold the beans. If it can be served with salsa, we’re both a fan.
While we were dating, I would often work then drive to my in-laws’ for dinner and one of our favorites was this dish my mother-in-law deemed Taco Pie. I’m not sure where or how it came to be but my husband still requests it on a regular basis. I’m not sure if my mother-in-law ever wrote down the recipe but this is my take on the concept.
I love the simplicity of this casserole because you can make it as elaborate or as easy as you want. If you’re full of energy, go all out and set up the fixin’s just like you would for normal tacos. If you’re completely exhausted, just add a couple spoonfuls of jarred salsa to the top, make a salad and dinner is served.
This casserole gives you the taste of a taco without that dreaded taco sauce wrist drip or taco shell catastrophe. You know the one where you take ONE bite and the thing explodes everywhere sending lettuce and cheese flying all over your white shirt and your dinner company?
Taco Pie
Serves 4-6
1 refrigerated pie shell, thawed
1 lb. ground lean turkey (or beef or chicken)
1 can 15 oz. diced tomatoes, undrained
1 small can diced chilies, undrained
1 tbsp + 1 tsp of homemade taco seasoning
1 1/2-2 cups of broken corn tortilla chips (We love Tositos Natural)
1 1/2 cups of shredded sharp cheese (I used Reduced Fat since I’m attempting to be healthy)
Toppings like shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, black olives, sour cream, salsa, etc.
Preheat oven to 375. Arrange pie shell into a 9″ inch pie pan. (Don’t worry you don’t need a fancy Fluted edge on this thing just make sure it’s secure.) Then poke 10-15 times with a fork all over so the pie shell doesn’t rise too much. Bake for 8-10 minutes.
In a skillet brown ground turkey, drain, then add diced tomatoes, diced chiles and taco seasoning and let simmer until most of the mositure is absorbed, about 5-8 minutes.
In the pie shell, layer your taco meat mixture, then half the broken chips, then cheese. Repeat.
Then bake another 8-10 minutes until the cheese melts. Serve with taco toppings or just some salsa works great too.
We’ve all seen “Bride Wars,” and it makes us wonder why is it that among women jealousy is often palpable? Maybe that double chromosome makes us competitive, or maybe our emotions sometimes get the best of us. We’ve heard women tell us that serious relationships and marriage have changed their friendships. So we thought we’d ask our panelists to chime in. Melissa, Sabrina and Mysba share their thoughts on friendships and their personal experiences with jealously post marriage.
Have your friendships changed due to jealousy since you got married? Login to your account, register, or sign in via facebook (use the gray bar at the top of the screen) and share your thoughts and advice! Don’t forget to subscribe and be sure to check out our YouTube page for all our videos!
There really is no one on earth like your mom! And from all of us here at Newlyweds-Dish want to wish our moms and all you moms and moms-to-be out there a very happy Mother’s Day. Thanks for all you do and the role you play in empowering us as women, wives and mothers!
What has your mother and/or motherhood taught you? Login to your account, register, or sign in via facebook (use the gray bar at the top of the screen) and share your thoughts and advice! Don’t forget to subscribe and be sure to check out our YouTube page for all our videos!
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